what it's like

BIG NEWS FIRST:
I'M A SPECIAL GIRL TODAY!!!

it's the second day of spring
and i've been here in this apt f/t
for exactly one month.

parts of that have been the very very big SUCK,
which, since that's been lodged in my throat for so long now,
i've become quite skilled at talking AROUND.

But i'm talking today about the good parts.

some of you know
that i've moved over 30 times in my life.
so i was young when i learned
that you can't go home.

what that means, to me,
is that you can't leave, and then waltz back in
and expect everyone to have been waiting around for you...

when you leave a place, people go on with their lives.

so i didn't come back here
17 years later
with any romantic notions.

i have reconnected with some old friends
and that is awesome.
it's interesting to hear how their lives have proceeded.

instead, i find much comfort in sweet nostalgia
being able to point out things to Fin...
and I feel that we are snug and tranquil and protected here.

i grew up more or less beside the ocean
always with the beach nearby
or on a boat
i love the beach and the water.
it's very symbiotic.

however, i've been surprised to discover
that it's here in the mountains that i feel SAFE
~safety being such a huge issue for me~
and i cannot stop admiring their majesty.
every day they look different.

it's kind of odd, because when i lived in VT as a student
i came here to live with my DAD
and we all know what kind of fellow he is.
nothing safe going on there.

but perhaps it has more to do with having the freedom
to discover MYSELF here
and living here as a young adult {NOT with my father}
i guess i can't explain it for certain
and i don't know that i need to.

the longer i am here,
the stronger i feel.
i never could have gotten off the meds in NY
there was too much stimulus
and quite frankly it would have overwhelmed me
during a state as fragile as detox.

New York, where i was in particular,
is too much too much too much
with not enough good in return.
{Sorry Tony}.

Fin has made such a wonderful smooth transition
his teacher told me his classmates embraced him
and since some of the work they're doing
is behind what he was doing in NY,
he's finally gaining a sense of self-efficacy.
WooT!

He was talking to me the other day
about Vermont's natural resources
telling me:
cheese butter cows maple syrup
is all made here!
He seemed to be getting a sense of pride
and ownership from these facts.

So anyway.
it is all the good
and altho everything is temporary?
i can't imagine ever wanting to leave here again.

Comments

[Laura]

Glad you are safe AND happy.

[Wil]

And I too am glad for just about everything, LOL.

[btexpress]

That's okay. You guys being happy and safe out weighs everything else.

[Keyser Soze]

You are ALWAYS a special girl. Glad you are feeling good.

[kyra]

i love hearing how well everything is going.

how are you these days?

[Blue]

Hey you. Sorry I've been a stranger. :( I need to get back into the swing of things. I'm going to be getting back into the HNT thing soon, but on a separate blog. Don't want to subject some of my friends to having to view certain pics. The new HNT and other stuff blog is http://blueerotica.blogspot.com. Hope to see you soon.